OMC

A little thing I like to call Off My Chest….because if I don’t I’m going to explode on someone and say something I don’t want to…so here is my OMC moment:

I am busy, I work a full time job, I work a part time job, I am full time in grad school, I volunteer, and I try to be a good friend and help out where I can. Oh and spending time with my family, that’s in there too. So guess what, I don’t always have the time to make my house spic and span. I get home and in between my jobs, I try and get a power nap in, I work till 11 or midnight some nights so doesn’t leave a lot of time for all the cleaning that needs done. Other nights, when I don’t work…I have homework, discussion posts, papers, research, you get the picture.

So no, my dishes aren’t always caught up, and I get behind on my mail and folding laundry. But guess what I live in it every day…and I don’t need anyone reminding me “Did you get your house cleaned, yet?” ” Are those dishes done?” “You know it only takes a couple of minutes to do those up” “Can we get rid of this?” Give me a fucking break!! If you don’t like it, don’t come over.

Am I proud to say that my house is in constant need of picking up, no. Do I like the constant feeling that I have dishes that need to be done, no. But guess what, when you can find me an extra, oh I don’t know three hours a day to get my PRIORITIES taken care of, then maybe I can find sometime to make sure that MY house, meets YOUR standards. Until then back the fuck off.

Whew…ok…feel a little better…until someone else brings it up….

<3jlk

Why wouldn’t you fight?

For what you believe in and what you say you want? Would you just sit back and let things pass you by? When given the opportunity for something you say you’ve wanted, and that ‘this is it’ why would you just let it go? A realization of the things that are important to you and a choice to do the right thing, but no. Letting one thing set you back and make you push away like all the times before, instead of standing up and fighting.

That’s not your m.o., your m.o. is to say what you think people want to hear. Dangle that carrot, and then push away when things get tough. Well guess what, you can’t have it both ways. And maybe I just realized that it was a lie. All the things you said, and did were a lie. Because if it were true, you would have fought and not given up.

I guess there wasn’t enough fight left in you, to fight for me.

Today’s lesson

I learned today that sometimes you just need to spend the extra $2-$3 and buy name brand. Yes it is more money now when the economy is tight, however in the long run…you will save more, so much more.

Other then that, pretty normal day, worked, came home, and then went to second job. Yes I am back to working two jobs again. Two reasons: one I really need the extra money, and two I want to help out at the store as much as I can with things changing in the who knows how distant future.

Waaaaaay to long

I have been a slacker, not been writing as much as I would like to. But in all honesty I have beens uper busy with work and school, as well as a fun filled weekend in Chicago!!

Truth be told, I am thinking that I need to write more. I have officially made it through the first year of my 30′s, having celebrated that big 3-1 last week. I can honestly say that the last year has been a complete whirlwind. I am on my third job in a year, after leaving my job of almost four years, taking a 3 month hiatus, finding a job that I thought I would be at forever having to leave that job (budgetary cuts), going back to working in residential (hated it) and now am back to community case management. I am really hoping that I will be able to stay where I am for a long while.

On a more personal note, I have noticed as of late that I have been experiencing some anger and anxiety lately. A few minor breakdowns (just a good cry thats all) and a complete need to be by myself and not impart my anger and anxiety on anyone else. It is very weird, and I am not sure where it is coming from all I know is that I don’t really like it all that much and I want to formally apologize to anyne who I have lashed out at in fit of moodiness. It isn’t personal (most of the time ) and I probably don’t even know why I get frustrated, either that or I can’t put into words what is really bothering me. In the past I kept a blog that really helped me to work through things. I started it when I was living in Chicago back in 03, it basically covers from that time moving home, buying a house and all of the craziness that happened and most in vague terms. In all honesty when I stopped writing I was in a very bad place in my life.

However I now feel that I am in a place that I can write about the different things that have been going on, and in a way in which I am not spiteful or hateful. We will see…..I guess my main goal is just to be…be me.

Lots of Love for the night
jlk

PS I will write about how awesome Chicago was at a later date…maybe tomorrow….

I <3 Baseball

What makes it difficult is that my team is in NY. However I can still enjoy the game just one hour away from home, which I did. Went to see the Clippers take on the Cheifs. And the Clippers won 7-2, and I have a new crush on a certain outfielder *sigh* kind of dreamy, and a damn good player too.

Huntington Park is AMAAAZING too, and the tix way affordable. Plus if you get hungry you can go to Roosters on the Roof, eat some damn good wings and sit in the bleachers while you eat.

I will so be going to another game, might get lawn seats next time I think that would be fun. Hell standing room only isn’t bad either.

jlk

D-Bag Confidential

This post is going to be a bit of a bitch fest b/c I’m tired of a certain person causing such heartache to my BFF. So this is my rant and rave.

So shit happens and people fall out of love. It is a bitch but hey not everyone’s “Happily ever after” is the same. As young girls we are taught that “HEA” involves a spouse, children, picket fence, blah blah blah. So when we get older, and it is “HEA” time and we have the spouse, the children, picket fence, and still aren’t happy we are thought of (many times) as total shit because we have ruined the ideal of “HEA”. Then that can lead to a host of other psychological issues because all of the sudden there is something wrong with us. We are automatically thought of whores, or tramps, or any other host of names that men come up with because they don’t understand that sometimes we just don’t love them anymore.

This anger is coming from a very specific place. As stated in first sentence, my BFF is currently in the middle of separating from a real d-bag that is having a hard time understanding that she no longer is in love with him and wants a divorce. He has called her everything but her name, and is really starting to make things miserable for her. Which in turn makes me VERY ANGRY!!! Because if nothing else I am very protective of my friends and when they hurt….ohhhhhh am I angry. So when she calls me, crying because he has decided to cut to peices her clothing, or damaged valuable items of hers I want nothing more then to go up there and give him a piece of my mind. However, out of respect for BFF I would not do that b/c it would make things 10x harder on her. Plus according to him I am not allowed on ‘his’ property(even though it is theirs) because I knew how unhappy she was and allegedly talked her into the divorce. And not that his d-bag opinion matters to me, but last time I checked being supportive of friends wasn’t a bad thing.

Anyway, I know this is a lot of random rambling, but I really felt I needed to get it off my chest before I ended up driving to the d-bag and giving him a peice of my mind. Which like I said would make things worse for BFF. So for right now I will keep my opinions of the d-bag limited to this space here and if he stumbles upon it….oh well

jlk

wonders of the world

So I stepped on the scale yesterday, and I have lost 10 lbs. WOO HOO…how did I celebrate…by totally blowing my diet I didn’t really mean to but I ordered the wrong number for lunch and was half way down the road before I realized it and then I forgot my dinner in the car and NEVER, and I mean that had time to run out and get it. I know I know I should have made time but they chicken patty and noodles sounded so much better then what I had packed:) But I did get to play softball yesterday, and I actually ran…although for those of you who know me that read this…wore the wrong bra, too thin of a t-shirt, and I work with teen boys…not funny…I ran with my arms crossed. I think my supervisor got a kick out of me running, apparently he had the impression that I was an all star softball player (which I am not). But I hit the ball twice, once was left handed, not really sure why I did that but it was fun anyway.

Anyway back on the diet train today, only 225 days till my cruise. And got to get started on my bathroom, waiting on my dad to get here b/c I know absolutely nothing about plumbing or mixing joint compound…

Have a great day ya’ll!!!

jlk

Completely avoiding responsibilty

So I should be spending the day cleaning my house, organizing my desk, being productive. Instead I am going to go see a movie…”My Sisters Keeper” I read the book in a day, and I am worried that it won’t be in the theatre on my next day off…in 9 days…that’s right I said 9 days, 9 days of working with the little angels. No days off for 9 days….because the uppers have decided to switch schedules AGAIN and I will be working EVERY WEEKEND….EVERY WEEKEND…untill I am able to find a place where I can go back to a nice normal schedule…with weekends and holidays off…*sigh*…some day soon.

WTF?!?!

ummmm why has the soundtrack from “Down to You” been discontinued??? Can someone PLEASE explain this to me???

A day in the..well car

Spent today with the parents driving to Lima, did some shopping, had some lunch…went to Olive Garden they actually have diet friendly food there. The Venetian Apricot Chicken EXCELLLLENT!!! and enough for leftovers. Although today I have been on the hungrier side, as of this morning I had lost two pounds!! WOO HOO. After all that is a start. Especially after dinner last night, where I partook in a cocktail, and what I referred to as “Bad Potato” in my diet journal. (It was soooooo yummy though). I know the I must move on from this, and will pay in the exercise department tomorrow as I again attempt Yoga Booty Ballet.

Spent the rest of the evening gardening with my dad, picking beets and blanching pea pods, and using my slightly used but new to me vaccuum sealer thing. We then went to see “Up”. It was….different….not at all what I expected, it was good..not great..won’t be adding that to my already large Disney Pixar collection.

Any who…off to bed, must get up at a half way decent time so I can Yoga my Booty, and clean my house.

<3 JLK